Black Women Partners_FV

Top 10 Reasons Black Women Are Not Marrying Black Men-full version

Purpose:  Thinking about reasons why black couples are not seeing eye to eye.

• If you read this and you start thinking, learn about yourself and the world you live in. 
• If you read this and you learn something, become a better partner with what you learned. 
• If you read this and you feel exposed, grow from that exposure and live. 
• If you read this and you are indifferent, share it with your friends and talk about it, they may have more to say to help you engage more. 
• If you read this and get mad, consider where the anger originates from and manage it. 
• If you read this and you think it is pure manure, use manure like plants do and grow instead of blaming the ground for not providing you with nutrients. 

1. Some Black women believe black men are satisfied if they have good sex and food.  This is ongoing joke about black men that is not so serious, but damaging relationships nonetheless.  On the other hand, women see themselves as more complex and with greater needs (emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically) than a man.  Black men and women are both complex.  They have complex needs and wants that vary depending on the shade of black they are.  This shallow thinking sends out an invisible invite to black men who will perform in bed and desire good food.
2. Some Black women want intelligent conversation from black men, but when they meet a man that actually can hold a quality conversation, some insecure black women freeze up because the black man is not a fixer upper.   If  the black man knows how or what he feels, has goals/aspiration, and know what they want from a women – some insecure black women feel inadequate or less and then find ways to regain control or upper hand in relationship.  Hence, this invisible insecurity breeds competition. 
3. Some Black women believe a black man is as good as his credit score.  Character and moral values are of lesser value in today’s culture, yet love only survives with the intangible support of these kinds of values.   However, a good credit score is a great start financially, but a credit score will not help partners resolve conflict or apologize.  Think shallow and you will attract shallow.
4. Some Black women demand from what they are unwilling to learn how to give to their black man.  For example, if black woman wants a man that is sensitivity is she sensitive?  If she wants a man that is communicative, is she?  If she wants a man that is honest, is she honest with yourself?  How will she ever know if she cannot hear the men she has relationships with.  If a black woman is strong and independent, her worth is proven when her black man is at a low point and she understand how to give her strength or lend support to her black man in his time of greatest need – most put down their black men and tell them they ought to get up and move on.  A black woman should learn and understand what she wants and needs, so she can consciously give to her black male partner – as she seeds in him unconditionally, that black man will never forget her influence on his life and have no problem honoring that kind of black woman.
5. Some Black women demand unyielding and strict physical characteristics to find the man of their dreams.  So they throw the baby out with the bath water, so to speak.  Never acknowledging the important difference between what they NEED versus what they WANT.  Many women do not know the difference between what they need and want in a partner, so they don’t realize if a blessing has entered their life.  Some black women remain fixated on what they want and do not believe they should change what they want.  Can a black woman imagine how their respect and honor for the invisible values a black man displays will improve what they attract to themselves?
6. Some Black women don’t know or acknowledge their own faults and shortcomings.  Moreover, they do not know this well enough to confess out loud or empathize with the man’s faults and shortcomings.  No one (including men) can’t help manage someone else’s challenges, if they do not know or acknowledge their personal challenges.  Know yourself and you will know your black male partner better.  This goes both ways too!
7. Some Black women enter abusive relationship with black men because of their history of abuse in their dark past.   The fact that black women are in these kinds of relationship point to the women’s abuse history and/or personal self-esteem deficit that she needs to get specific attention for asap.  She will only attract the same again.  The flipside to this is some black women like about their abuse to remain hidden from exposure as a victim of long term abuse.  Any man’s abuse is in fact helping the black woman discover an internal problem manifesting in the physical – getting rid of the black man may be only part of the solution to an internal problem.  This goes both ways too! 
8. Some Black women do not realize the invisible influence of how negative private talk about black men (this includes their male offspring and ex-men) can and will naturally send out negative vibes to potential male partners.  For example, some black women talk to black men as if they are stupid – so they may be thinking they don’t need a man for various reasons; private thinking has consequences.  Some black women say they are mother and father too for their children – how can this be?  How does this language affect the children or potential black male partners?  I believe this is the main invisible reason why black women are looking outside their race right now – an example of the unconscious abuse of the powerful impact of private thinking, self talk, and language.  Private thinking, self talk, and language is a powerful force that makes dreams become reality!
9. Some Black women treat their pastors in actions and thought as if they are worth more than their black male partner.  Some may say the black man needs to be more secure.  Then in complete fairness, one has to ask, how would a black women feel if a black male partner treated or spoke more highly of his black female boss, than his black female partner?  I call this being blind in one eye, full sight in the other eye, and claiming great depth of perception, so to speak.  A real man understands how to respond to true honor…..the benefits to a black woman that knows how to execute this are what dream relationships are made of!
10. Some black women have a deep and committed relationship to Almighty God, but cannot hear God give them insight about their earthly black male partner’s specific needs and wants.  
    • So if the black woman is not getting insight from God about herself, she cannot share insight from God with her black man either – lack of compassion.  Judgment soon follows and opens the door for conflict leading to irreconcilable differences.  This type of judgment goes both ways…black men can do the same to women.
    • The reality is this, we have not seen God!  God is love!  Black women commune (see, touch, and talk to) black men and vice versa.  We will only have compassion and understand how to reach out and touch each other as we have allowed God to touched us.  For example, you may be in an abusive relationship because you are abusive in some way – I call this the mirror effect.  Can we learn and grow from these relationship?  Mirror Effect – Or will we blame the other partner for unresolved challenges which we happen to have too?  We can do much better!

Conflict Resolution:  How can we resolve relational  conflict, if we run from, avoid, or don’t detangle the specific challenges that lead to relationship conflict?  We will not!  Hope this helps thinking toward more resolution – leading to improved intimacy.

General or specific comments are welcomed.

TalkNAction

“The Ultimate Measure Of A Man Is Not Where He Stands In Moments Of Comfort, But Where He Stands At Times Of Challenge And Controversy.” 
-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

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